White to Red
by Do Not Even Try
Summary: How did I forget? I’m scared. Why can’t I remember that? MileyxJake


**A/n: You may not get this (it's a little insane), but I hope you like it anyway. Please review D Also, because Fanfiction is so lame, I had to cut some editing out of this because fanfiction didn't support it. So if you want to see the full version, it's on my website under easy links. **

Happy Forth of July!

I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you get this letter. I used the address you emailed me long ago. You're probably just really busy. I haven't seen anything about you in the magazines lately. I wonder how you're doing. I shouldn't be sending a letter; you probably think I'm a stalker. I'm not, I promise! I just really feel like I need to talk to you. I don't know. I just feel comfortable writing to you.

I was going to have a baby. I told Andrew (that's my husband) about the baby. He wasn't too thrilled, but he doesn't have to worry. I had a miscarriage anyway. I really wish you'd write me back. I need to talk to you.

Yours,

Miley Jones

Jake,

I'm writing this in the closet. I'm scared. I wish you were here. Andrew is angry. He found out I was writing you letters. Jake, he hit me again. He's been hitting me. I hurt and I am ashamed. I don't know what I'm doing wrong…

I can't tell anyone about him hitting me. And I wish you wouldn't either. I need him to hit me. I don't know why…I can't remember. I can't remember a lot of things lately. I think I've gone insane. I didn't remember my own father yesterday. There was a whole year of my life, three years ago, that seems to have fallen away.

He beats me every day now. I can't tell anyone but you about this. I hope you can read this letter soon. I miss you.

Miley

Dear Jake Ryan,

I don't know why you haven't written me back. I regret ever sending those letters to you. I can't believe you would just ignore me like that. I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but you could at least tell me.

I'm scared. Everyday I wake up; I feel that I don't have much time left. I want to talk to you before something happens to me. I want to be able to hear your voice one more time. I want you to be the only one who knows what happened to me. I can't walk very far anymore. I think there is something wrong with my right kneecap. Andrew knocked the washer over on it a month ago.

Jake, if you get this after something has happened, could you do me a favor? I think you could do that little bit for me. Could you tell my dad that I love him? Could you also tell my brother and sister in law that I know they'll raise Steven to be the best man he could ever be. I also want to tell you that I really, really miss you.

Love,

Miley

Jake,

You're dead?

Funny, I don't feel like you are. I feel very close to you, actually. Maybe that newspaper article was wrong. Maybe.

But I remember now. I remember your funeral. It was so long ago….you were handsome in your casket. I cried and cried until the salt water burned my face. I stood up and talked about you…and they buried you.

How did I forget? I'm scared. Why can't I remember that? Why did I think you were still alive? Why was I sending letters to a dead man? Why am I still talking to you?

But you can't be dead. I need you to be alive. Why is nobody who they are supposed to be? I remember you promised before you went on that plane that you would always be there for me. Where are you now, dammit? I need you now. I never knew and I never told you but now I think I know. I always loved you more than anyone else. But where are you? You're not here. I'll be where you are soon, I think. If you were here, maybe I would be okay.

Andrew beat me last night with some kind of metal pole. I can barely move. I'm lying on the floor. Maybe you can still keep your promise. Maybe you can still come and help me. Maybe you're still alive.

Oh, God, I remember it all now. You were my husband! We were married! But you got on the plane and broke all your promises! Lies, lies, lies! Why didn't I remember you? Andrew hit me across the head a long time ago. Maybe that's it. Or maybe I didn't want to remember. Maybe it hurt too much.

Yes, yes, yes. It hurts. I can feel it now. I can see your face. It was bloody. Oh sweet Jesus I remember now…I held your body for so long at the crash sight. My dress…my dress was so bloody! White to red, white to red, white to red! I washed it and I washed it but it never came out. And, God, your hair! It was red! The blond was masked by it. I tried to get it out! I didn't like it. I pulled my jacket off and tried to get it out of your hair. The police looked at me like I was a psycho. I'm sorry I couldn't get it out. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But I didn't let them take you. I held you close to me while you were dying. I knew that my arms were where you would have wanted to be, not underneath a white tarp. The grass was bright red…your neck, it was leaking paint. It painted everything around it a bright color. And it was a vivid color. I see that color all the time now. I see it when Andrew beats me, I see it when I take a shower, I see it when I look in the mirror, and I see it when I fall to sleep. That is why I haven't turned Andrew in yet. The blood is all that connects me and you anymore, Jake. Every time the red leaks out of me, I see you and I feel you and I smell you. You're there, in my arms. I want to die bleeding. Because then, I'll die with you in my arms and I won't be so alone. I don't want to die alone. I wanted to die with you, Jake. I just want to be with you. That's all I've ever wanted. And every time I bleed, I get what I want. And I'm happy. I'm happy with you lying in my lap, bleeding. Better that then you not being here at all. Bleed, bleed, bleed...happy, happy, happy.

Andrew's car just pulled up. He looks drunk, and he's screaming. He is coming up the stairs. Right when he turns the corner he'll see me. As much as I want to hold you, I'm scared. I wish you could just come and save me and take me awa


End file.
